


Mercy

by hawkinstarks



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, Kinda Fluffy, Lady Midnight - Freeform, Songfic, shawn mendes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 22:28:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9463019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkinstarks/pseuds/hawkinstarks
Summary: Emma knew Julian was a painter. She did not know he could also sing.A songfic loosely based on 'Mercy' by Shawn Mendes.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first songfic but I always imagined Julian as Shawn Mendes and this song suits Jemma's relationship in my opinion. (Link to the song inspiration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYv7-TSioQM ) Enjoy!

 

Emma Carstairs was harshly awakened by the morning sun streaming in through the window. She had been so exhausted when she returned home from the previous night’s mission that she had forgotten to pull her curtains shut. She mentally cursed herself as that resulted in just a couple of hours of sleep. She sleepily glanced around her room that was now bathed in a glorious glow of golden sunlight. Or, at least, it would have been glorious had she not gotten such little sleep. On the floor, she spotted her ivory dress discarded along with her shoes but Cortana was neatly laid on her dresser. Seeing the dress caused memories from the night before to rush back to her.

_Julian_. That’s all she could think of. Sure, they had made a breakthrough in the investigation after attending the Lottery but the only thing burned into her memory was Julian. The way he held her, looked at her, touched her. The way he looked as if he was in a trance and mumbled dreamily about painting her, her hair. That was nonsense, though. Julian never painted her. She also couldn’t get the way he spoke about secrets out of her head. That they ‘break you open, cut you apart and make you vulnerable’. She would have otherwise brushed it off as though he were just speaking about mundanes with the Sight. But the look in his eyes made her second-guess herself. She couldn’t put her finger on it but the flash of pain across his face when he said it struck a chord within her.

She could only really ponder his words now as she was hopelessly distracted when his hands roamed from her hair down her back last night. She flushed just remembering it all and groaned, dropping her head into her hands. The reaction that she experienced towards his touch was very unparabatai-like. Very against the Law. Emma found the slightest bit of comfort in the Blackthorn family motto:  _“Lex malla, lex nulla”. **A bad law is no law.**_ However, that still did not validate her feelings. It was still wrong.

 

 

The Institute was eerily quiet. With a family as boisterous as the Blackthorns, the Institute was rarely silent. Emma decided she needed a coffee in an attempt to prevent overwhelming herself with her thoughts. She padded down the grand staircase to the foyer and made her way to the kitchen. The faint sound of music stopped her in her tracks. Emma furrowed her brow, concentrating on where the noise was coming from. Following the melody, it led her towards a room that was seldom used and she could make out that it was a piano. Her breath hitched when she heard Julian’s voice singing along and she froze.

 

_“You’ve got a hold on me, don’t even know your power._

_I stand a hundred feet but I fall when I’m around you.”_

 

She had not heard Jules sing for years. Not since they had both lost their parents. Painting tended to be his creative release over singing. Probably because it was a passion and talent he shared with his mother, Emma figured. His voice was so different now, almost unrecognisable. It was deeper, more controlled, more emotional. Compelled by his voice, Emma walked closer to the room and peeked around the corner.

Julian sat barefoot at the piano, a mug of coffee that no longer had steam rising from it sitting atop the piano. Her initial thought was that he had woken up early for coffee too but on closer inspection, Emma noticed he was still wearing his black suit pants and shirt from last night. His voice rose as he reached the chorus.

 

_“Please have mercy on me, take it easy on my heart.  
_

_Even though you don’t mean to hurt me, you keep tearing me apart.”_

 

Emma strode into the room as Julian sat with his back to her. Her Soundless rune was still on her arm from the night before though Julian probably would not have heard her over the piano anyway. She watched as his long fingers which were spattered with paint moved expertly across the keys as though he had been playing every day when in reality, Emma could not remember the last time Jules had played the piano. The room basked in the light of the morning Californian sun making it appear as though a celestial golden outline glowed around Julian. Emma felt as though she were dreaming. It all seemed too beautiful to be real. She was focused on the lyrics as she wandered into the room.

 

_“Consuming all the air inside my lungs,  
_

_Ripping all the skin from off my bones,_

_I’m prepared to sacrifice my life,_

_I would gladly do it twice.”_

 

Suddenly the lyrics reminded Emma of her straddling Jules in the back of the Toyota, blood gushing from his side and her shakily drawing iratze after iratze onto his skin. Although he was sitting in front of her alive and well, the all-too-real feeling of fear that Jules was going to die crept back into her. Her chest ached at the memory but she was not allowed to think about it for too long before Julian’s voice grew louder and more powerful, his press toward the ivory keys more forceful.

 

_“Consuming all the air inside my lungs,  
_

_Ripping all the skin from off my bones,_

_I’m prepared to sacrifice my life,_

_I would gladly do it twice.”_

 

His voice cracked with emotion and he let out a long note before launching back into the chorus, the performance dripping with emotion. His broad shoulders shook as he pressed the keys and Emma suddenly became very invested in the way the muscles in his shoulders contracted and relaxed through his shirt. She could feel his voice and the melody of the piano reverberate around the room and thrum through her chest. She noticed his reflection in the window. His face was contorted with passion and emotion when he sang. He looked...different. Emma had never seen him look like that before. She watched him in awe. This was a totally different side to her Jules.

 

_“I’m begging you for mercy, mercy, on my heart.”_

 

The song slowed to an end and Julian hummed the last few notes. When the music stopped, the silence was deafening. Emma didn’t say anything for a moment. Actually, she didn’t say anything at all. She didn’t know what to say. So instead, she let out the breath she didn’t realise she was holding in and clapped. Julian visibly jumped and whirled around on the stool.

“Emma,” he breathed in surprise. Now that he was facing her, Emma could see the dark circles under his eyes. He had discarded the black tie he had been wearing and the top two buttons of his shirt were open. His dark hair was tousled and a single unruly curl hung down to his forehead. Why did she find that so endearing? Usually, she would crack a joke about how he looked like he’d been taken straight out of the morgue. His lips were parted but he didn’t say anything. Emma took a few steps towards him.

 

“That was beautiful, Jules. I haven’t heard you sing in years,” she told him truthfully.

 

“Thanks. I, uh, I couldn’t sleep,” he replied scratching the back of his neck bashfully. “Sorry if I woke you.”

 

“It’s okay, you didn’t,” she assured him. Up close she could see the exhaustion on his face, etched into his features. His shoulders drooped and his blinks were long and sleepy. It was as if that song took everything out of him. Maybe it did. Emma cocked her head sideways as she examined him. He looked adorable but her heart ached seeing him so drained. A sympathetic smile spread across her face. “Have you slept at all?”

He didn’t answer, he simply shook his head slowly and she could see him stifling a yawn.

“Oh, Jules” she mumbled more to herself than to him as she walked closer to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind. He relaxed against her and she heard him yawn. Smiling to herself, she rested her chin on his head. He rested a hand on her arm and stroked it lazily with his thumb. “What do you say we both go get some sleep?”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea” he agreed standing up. Emma took his hand and led him back through the Institute and up the stairs. When they got to her room, Julian hesitated in the doorway. He stared blankly into the room.

 

“What’s wrong?” she asked him.

 

“I need to show you something” he said quickly.

 

“Now?” she asked incredulously. Her bed was calling both of them. Julian straightened up and nodded with a new-found sense of purpose.

 

“Yeah, I have to.”

 

She reluctantly agreed but judging by the air of urgency around Julian, she thought it must be important. Especially given how much more he needed sleep than Emma did. He took her hand again and led her to his studio.

 

“Really? You’re gonna paint now?” Emma asked as he looked through the chest of drawers at the opposite end of the room.

 

“No, just please...please bear with me” he pleaded, exasperated. He looked like he was going to collapse with exhaustion but Emma stayed against her wishes. Finally, he found a key among the plethora of paint tubes and brushes. He walked over to the door to the left of the room and wiggled the key into the lock. What was he doing? He never let anyone into that room. It was so top secret that even Emma - his Parabatai that he shares everything with - had not been in there before. Sometimes, he used to take Tavvy in there when he was younger and had awful night terrors to calm him down. Other than that, the rest of the Blackthorns respected his privacy and did not pry. Emma rushed over to him and put a hand on his arm to stop him.

“Woah Jules, that’s your private room. Are you sure?” she asked him apprehensively. He looked at her and she could see his Adam’s apple bob in his throat when he swallowed.

“I’m sure” he said quietly and with a determined nod, he unlocked the door then swung it open and gestured for Emma to go in. The smell of paint and varnish was even stronger in this room but that wasn’t the shock to Emma’s senses. There was tons of paintings in this room. Ones on canvases, others on paper. And every single one was of _her_.

Emma wielding Cortana mid-battle against demons. Emma running on the beach. Emma watching horror movies with Dru. Emma smiling, holding a cup of coffee.

There was an island in the centre of the room with numerous sketchbooks scattered across its marble surface. She flicked through a few pages. They contained pencil sketches of Emma, colour studies for her eyes, her hair. She remembered what Julian had said to her when they were dancing.

 

**_“When you came down the stairs tonight, I was thinking about painting you. Painting your hair. That I’d have to use titanium white to get the colour right, the way it catches the light and almost glows. But that wouldn’t work, would it? It’s not all one colour, your hair, it’s not just gold: It’s amber and tawny and caramel and wheat and honey.”_ **

 

She wasn’t sure she had taken a breath since she had entered the room but regardless, her breath caught in her throat when she saw a painting on the easel next to the counter.

 

In it, Emma was walking down the staircase in the Institute wearing the flowing ivory dress she had worn last night. Her hair cascaded in waves almost down to her waist. The satin material looked so real and it clung flatteringly to her waist and hips. Her green eyes glittered and she was smiling. The painting of her was much more stunning than she was in real life. It was ethereal. It looked like it belonged on the wall of a gallery and deserved to be admired by people from across the world. The paint was still wet on the canvas and she recalled seeing paint on Jules’ hands when he was playing the piano. _He had stayed up all night painting her._ Emma’s heart lurched and she exhaled in awe. She took a sweeping gaze around the room but her eyes returned to Julian.

 

He still stood in the doorway with his hands in his pockets leaning against the door frame. His body language appeared relaxed but Emma knew him better than that. His shoulders were tense and he fidgeted with the hem of his pocket. He looked more nervous than Emma had ever seen him before. He eyed her anxiously as if she were a wild animal that could bolt at any second. He chewed his lip so hard that Emma was afraid he would draw blood.

 

“I told you I could never get your hair quite right.” He spoke so quietly Emma  wasn’t sure he had even said anything. His eyes dropped to the floor and he flushed, embarrassed. She couldn’t believe anyone could ever be embarrassed if they had the level of talent that he possessed.

 

_**“But you never paint me.”** _

 

“Jules,” she breathed, her eyes still darting around the room examining paintings. “These are incredible. But...why me?”

 

Her eyes met his again. She was bewildered. Amazed that anyone would spend so much time painting her. “I guess you could say you’re my muse.”

 

He pushed himself away from the door frame and made his way towards her. Emma stood frozen, watching him like a deer in headlights. He stopped short of her with a pained expression on his face. Emma reached her arm out to grab his hand.

 

“Jules, what’s wrong?”

 

“The real reason I paint you so much is because I’ve been...feeling differently. About you. I thought that the summer in England would help but if anything it got worse. You know, distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that. And then I put it down to our bond, the Parabatai bond. That of course my feelings towards you would be different to my feelings towards everyone else. But it’s the wrong kind of different. Not so much _philia_ and more _eros_.”

He was talking quickly, more nervously now. Like he had held everything in for so long and if he didn’t get it out in one breath, he never would. Emma wondered how long he had kept all this from her. She could tell there was something off in Julian when they came back from England but she had brushed it off as soon as everything returned to normal between them. Jules and her. It always has been the two of them. The thought of Julian keeping something to himself like that and weighing himself down because of her broke her heart. He already had so much of a burden to carry since the Dark War, the weight of the Blackthorn children on such young shoulders. She gravitated towards him just wanting to hug all the pain out of him. But she knew she could never do that.

 

“And I know, it’s against the Law and it is wrong and I should not feel like this but I do and-”

 

Emma couldn’t take it anymore. She stood on the tip of her toes and pressed her lips against his, abruptly ceasing his ramblings. She immediately felt the pressure of his lips against hers, eagerly reciprocating her kiss. She looped her arms around his neck as one of his arms wrapped around her waist balancing her. His other hand wound its way into her hair as he lost himself in her. This was also new to Emma: seeing Julian let go of control. She saw a glimpse of this side of him last night but this - this was much different. She felt that for each second they kissed, some of the burden on his shoulders gradually lifted. The crushing weight of his secrets finally letting him breathe. She wished she could kiss him forever if that worked. Even if it did not work, she still wished her lips would never leave his. Everything made sense to Emma now. The ambiguous way he referred to secrets. The way he studied her so carefully. The way he completely lost himself while they were dancing. He loved her. Julian Blackthorn was actually _in love_ with her.

 

Every ounce of shyness left his body as soon as he kissed her and Emma could feel his tongue against her bottom lip. Without hesitation, she widened her lips. She had heard enough from the sappy love movies that Malcolm loved to watch about kisses being like fireworks and each time she rolled her eyes so hard that they almost fell out of her head. Now she understood. When their tongues met, it was like an atomic bomb had gone off inside her. She’d had boyfriends before but none of their kisses ever come close to this.

 

Now she knew why Parabatai were forbidden from falling in love: it was exceptional. If they fight stronger together, they must love stronger too. Their hearts and minds were in sync, therefore their bodies and lips and hands were perfectly shaped for the other. ‘ _Lex malla, lex nulla’ alright,_ Emma thought,  _this is too good to be legal._

Julian detached his lips from hers and his breaths were harsh and panting against her mouth. He rested his forehead against hers and looked deeply into her eyes.

 

“That song was about you” he said in a low voice, his breath warm against her nose.

 

“I figured,” she replied with a slight chuckle and raised a hand to his cheek. “I feel more _eros_ than _philia_ towards you too.”

 

A smile broke across his face - the biggest smile Emma had seen in a while. His eyes twinkled with genuine happiness and he brushed his nose against hers. “I figured that too.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written in so long but I'm obsessed with Jemma & Shawn so I had to bring them together. What do you think of Shawn as a representation for Julian? Hope you enjoyed reading this - kudos and comments would be greatly appreciated. I would love to hear your feedback!


End file.
